Parents have a crucial role to play for their children at this important time of year.
Whether it’s A-Levels, GCSEs, SATs or end of year testing there is pressure on children to perform. They may have the studying, revision and exams to sit but parents should be a vital background support.
Here Merrick Life has a round-up of some of the best tips to beat exam stress and help everyone get through this nerve-wracking period successfully.
The number one way parents or guardians can help children facing exams is by not adding to the pressure.
Dr Fiona Pienaar, of children’s mental health charity Place2Be, says it’s worth reminding our children they are so much more than their test results.
She says: “If your child is struggling, take the opportunity to talk about all of the things that they are good at and that they enjoy, even if they aren’t related to school or work.”
Retaining a sense of perspective is vital. It’s important not to get carried away with one exam that ‘was a dream’ nor too down after one that seemed to contain everything they hadn’t revised.
The parent’s role is to help maintain focus. Whether the last test was good, bad or indifferent, put it down and move on to the next one.
Virtually all advice recognises there are other clear parental responsibilities at this time. These include ensuring some basics for young students. Among them are a balanced diet, regular breaks, exercise and wind down time to allow children to get much-needed sleep.
NHS Choices has a checklist of signs of stress and also adds the common sense notion that nerves are natural.
Like many other advice sites it encourages parents to talk about exam pressure with their children. This should be in a calm environment and honesty should be encouraged.
mumsnet.com has a wealth of positive tips – and some down to earth assessment of how your advice may be received by a teenager.
“It goes without saying that pretty much anything you do and say between now and the exams is Unreasonable, Annoying and Unfair.”
It urges parents to forego a ‘clip round the ear’ and to summon ‘heroic amounts of sweet voiced calm’.
Once that’s done, it has this useful tip. “….mix the subjects up, so they have a mix of stuff they like/like less on same eve/day. Make a long list of ‘things to learn’; the enormous pleasure of ticking stuff off is not to be underestimated.”
Treats are a positive way to keep revision on track. They can be small ones, such as chocolate biscuits after a study period successfully completed. Or larger ones after the testing period is out of the way.
But, according to BBC education, what isn’t a good idea is ‘bribing’ children to do well in exams. It warns that offering cash or gifts to achieve good grades implies the only worthwhile reward for hard work is money.
It suggests encouraging your child to do well for their own sake, rather than for cash or to please you. Explain that exams aren’t an end in themselves but a path to the next stage of life.
Familylives.org.uk has some wise words for parents who may feel that they know how best to tackle revision.
The last thing anyone needs at a stressful time is an argument. It advises: “Accept that some people can revise better with music or the TV on in the background”.
Pianist James Rhodes has put together this classicial playlist specially for study time.
Family Lives also suggests being lenient about chores and untidiness at this time “as much as you are able”.
Publisher Penguin offers The parent’s guide to beating exam stress.
Clinical psychologist Dr Genevieve von Lob reasons if you stay calm, then you will be much better placed to provide the confident and supportive leadership your child needs.
Among her top tips are to offer heartfelt praise, learn to listen and trust yourself.
On the first, she says: “It’s always much better to praise a teen for the effort they are putting in, rather than the outcome – since this will help them develop resilience, even in the face of failure.”
For parents going through a difficult time in their relationship there is the added dilemma about how much a potential break up would affect their children at such a key time.
A Resolution survey of 14 to 22-year-olds asking how a parental break up had directly affected them found that one in five said they didn’t get the exam results they were hoping for.
Also, 15% said they had to move schools, which may have had a knock-on effect on exam results.
However, many young people are amazingly resilient and able to cope maturely with much more than parents might credit. Have a read of this blog from The Guardian from a teenage A-Level student facing up to her parents’ divorce while tackling her studies.
She reasons: “I feel lucky that it didn’t happen when I was younger and less emotionally well-equipped to deal with it.”
That demonstrates admirable coping skills – and hopefully the resilience to perform well while in a stressful situation.
Do you have any special tips for helping children cope? As parents are there things you wish you’d done better?
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