Author: Merrick Solicitors



Addiction ruins relationships, take it from my experience

Posted on March 28, 2019 by - FINANCES

Addiction and controlling behaviour can ruin relationships. Jonathan Edgeley knows the story from both sides.

Behavioural health advisor Jonathan Edgeley is uniquely qualified to help people beat their addictions and guide their families through the turmoil of dysfunctional relationships.

As a teenager filled with fear, inadequacy and self-loathing he began looking for other activities to fulfil his inquisitive mind and channel his insatiable appetite to change how he felt. At secondary school he found a new world of drink and drugs that would take his life on a rollercoaster ride of highs and ultimate lows.

Throughout his 20s, while outwardly successful professionally, his life was spiralling out of control.

Finally, after an intervention from his father, he accepted that he needed help and so started the long road to recovery. That journey began in 2006 and four years ago Jonathan decided to put his own experiences of addiction to good use helping others.

Self-destructive

He said: “I grew up in a world where money was deemed a token of success and well-being. If you were wealthy you were well.  I watched my mother and father’s marriage break down due to alcoholism on my mother’s side which had a devastating effect catapulting my already self-destructive behaviour to another level.

“My mother and father eventually divorced and my mother began to drink more heavily.  Sadly, four years ago my mother died due to drinking. The loss of my mother hit me like a train

“However in her death she provided me with the greatest gift. The evidence I needed – alcohol kills. I had stopped, and other people can too. I just needed to get the message out that recovery is possible.

“What enables me to connect with a family or somebody who’s got an addiction, is the fact that I am an addict. I am in recovery, I have been there and I know the route out.

“I’ve been through the whole process of having to go through treatment, and the run-up to that, and how bad things had to get in order for me to actually realise that I’d got a very serious illness.

“I can talk to people about that and explain how my life spiralled out of control, and how I’ve managed to gain a degree of power over it. I have experienced relapsed. I’ve experienced marriage, children, births, deaths – all of those things in recovery. The takeaway from this is I didn’t have to use mind or mood altering substances to get through it.

Emotional mood swings

Jonathan’s work now involves him linking with family lawyers. They call on his expertise and experience when a problem is identified and a family member needs professional help. The situation has typically got to the stage of wanting to leave a loved one because of their drinking, emotional mood swings or volatility or the children are suffering and at risk of psychological trauma.

The work is much easier if the person concerned is open to help.  In that scenario Jonathan will talk to those involved to get background and understand their situation in granular detail before putting together a tailored pathway to meet their needs, including therapies.

Jonathan added: “When I have that conversation with their families and loved ones, I can really connect with them. Meeting them where they are at that particular point and help them make some realisations and compassionately guide them throughout the process.

“I can connect with somebody who says, ‘this guy gets it’. What I’m able to do is go in at a different level completely from, say, a GP.

“I can say something like ‘I understand, you’re all right, you’re safe, you are going to be ok. I’ve been where you’ve been. I want to help because I’m sure that you don’t want to live the life that you are living now. Would you agree?’

“And often, they will say ‘no, I don’t. But I’m petrified of doing something about it because I’m not quite sure how it’s going to end up. What I know for certain while I’m using drugs or I’m drinking is what the outcome is going to be. I get high, I drink, I forget’.”

Rebuild relationships

The best-case scenario is the person receives the help they need and the partner and family members are willing to try to rebuild relationships with professional guidance.

But frequently those with the addiction are not prepared to accept they have a problem that needs tackling. The family concerned may then have to go through an emotional and often painful process that includes an intervention.

Jonathan said: “You know, this is the dark side of the addiction. The disease is so powerful that it wants to keep you in its grip. The important thing is that an intervention is approached with love and compassion. The family often require a degree of education to help them understand that addiction is a disease not a choice.

“I know all of these things and feel all these emotions going on. Whatever the addiction might be, it changes how they feel. And they’re scared of these feelings coming very powerfully back when they stop taking drink or drugs, or whatever it is they’re doing.

“And, it is really, really sad but that’s where it goes. So, if you can imagine that the people on the receiving end of that, the children, the wives, the husbands, the family members, the fathers, the mothers, all of these other people that are witnessing somebody who is in the grips of an addiction.

“They see they are slowly killing themselves. But that person is in such denial, people around them feel quite powerless to do anything.

Enabling behaviour

“They don’t know how to approach it; they don’t know what to say. They’re fearful that they push them further away, they are fearful that they may then leave. They are fearful that they may then carry on drinking or taking drugs and die early.

“This enabling behaviour unfortunately is pushing the loved one further into their addiction and supporting their using. This has to stop, as it can lead to further upset and ultimately death.

“All of these things have got a counter-argument to them. It is a positive counter-argument, that if you don’t do something, they are going to die anyway. If we don’t do something now, then this thing will only get worse.

“I’ve never seen anybody get better without clinical or therapeutic intervention to help them overcome their issues.”

The second part of this interview Intervention: How do you help someone who doesn’t believe they have a problem? will be published shortly.

 

Jonathan Edgeley is the Founder of Montrose Advisory which offers independent support and guidance to families seeking a solution to a behavioural health problem. He takes a family through the complex world of addiction and mental healthcare and creates robust care pathways to meet their loved one’s specific needs, circumstances and budget.

Sharon’s using her voice for Manchester

Posted on February 26, 2019 by - WORK

Sharon Amesu: Former barrister turned coach and professional speaker and now Manchester chair of the Institute of Directors

If she hadn’t got lost on her way to a guitar lesson, Sharon Amesu may not now be a voice for Manchester businesses on the national stage.

The newly-appointed city chair of the Institute of Directors (IoD) was practising as a criminal barrister when she decided to take up guitar lessons at a local college. A mix up over rooms meant she missed her music class – but stumbled across her next career move.

She said: “I got to this room and there were about five women in there, none of them had guitars! By this time, I was really late for my lesson, and they said: ‘well, come and sit down, you might as well join us’. Turns out that it was a coaching group.

“I listened and was inspired and I thought, ‘this is really how you change people’. You’re still using the power of the question, which as a barrister, I was used to doing, but through coaching. you’re asking questions with a completely different purpose.

“You know the knowledge, the wisdom and the insight lays within the person. What you’re seeking to do, is to draw that out.

“It just gradually developed from there and moved me towards the work that I do now with leaders, and also as a professional speaker.”

Sharon had first been inspired to use her voice, when she was young, by her community activist father. He would bring together the collective voice of West Indian parents who at the time were facing real frustrations around discrimination.

 

 

The right time to go

By age 14 she knew she wanted to be a barrister. But later in her law career she focused on domestic violence and became increasingly frustrated that she couldn’t support and help women break negative cycles.

Sharon said: “By that time I was very much ready to leave the Bar. I knew that season of my life had come to an end, and it was the right time to go.

“I knew I was taking away key skills that I’d learned about speaking, engaging, activism, advocacy, all of that sort of key stuff that I can bring to this role now.”

Since making the move five years ago, Sharon’s second career has developed organically. She’s now a sought-after speaker at leadership conferences across the UK and member of the Professional Speaking Association (PSA).

Sharon added: “Often I’m booked by organisations who may have issues around their culture where people don’t talk about the elephant in the room and don’t hold people accountable.

“Often they call me in to help develop those skills to hold courageous conversations.”

On a personal note Sharon herself is committed to her own development.

 

 

Lifelong learner

“I’m a lifelong learner. The importance of personal and professional development has always been a keystone for me in my journey.

“I joined the Professional Speaking Association to hone the business of professional speaking and the art and craft of speaking.”

Now Sharon is Chair of the City of Manchester Branch of the IoD. When asked about why she took up the position she explained.

“I wanted to be involved in an organisation that enabled that to happen and the IoD ticked those boxes.

The IoD has 2,000 members across the North West

“When the opportunity came up to be a part of leading that group of people across the city region, where I’m not only based, but born and bred, I just didn’t want to pass that up. It was just an incredible opportunity to be at the helm of shaping that.

“I’m thrilled that we’ve got exciting things ahead that we’re going to be doing and engaging with people across the city.”

The IoD has around 2,000 members representing business in the North West, with Manchester its biggest area. So Sharon is not about to jump in and tell everyone how everything should be done.

“What I’ve found, certainly in the work that I’ve done with leaders, is the temptation to be appointed to a role, and then go ‘right, here’s what we’re doing, we’re going to implement this!”

 

 

A Manchester tram: Traffic infrastructure is a major concern

 

Lead fearlessly

“All of this is largely based on assumption. The best leaders listen. It’s a lesson I learned from my dad. He first listened. He listened earnestly, then he learned quickly, and then he led fearlessly. And it’s that same approach that I’m taking now to the way in which I want to lead this region.”

While there are no detailed plans, there are what Sharon calls ‘headlines’ for the three years of her tenure.

She added: “One of the key points we want to focus on in our region is around the disparity we see between our growing, strengthening economy and inequality.

“We want to look at the way in which we can bridge that gap between our thriving business community and these areas of disaffection and deprivation and have a strong agenda around social mobility. I believe the IoD can play a key role in this area.

“We’ll also focus on issues around diversity and inclusion. How is it that we close the gap between women in leadership, women in business and women on boards, and the extent to which the city region can really be a leader on closing the gap.

“And we want to have a look at how we can have a voice on transport infrastructure. We’ve got real issues in that area.

“We have got young future leaders who are coming up. It points to an area that I feel we need to focus on, which is the changing face of business. We have more young people, more young entrepreneurs of tech businesses coming through. How do we respond to that? How is it that we can be a voice into that and support them?”

Tale of two cities

And how does she view her home city as we move through 2019?

“I see it currently as the tale of two cities, in a sense. It is the best of times for many, but for others, it’s the worst. Manchester is not at all unique in this.

“There is so much to celebrate; so much to spotlight and for us to laud because Manchester in many ways is a thriving city.

“We are recognised globally for our innovation, for our research and development. We have global organisations who are placing their headquarters here and so on; so there is a lot happening.

“But there are other realities as well. There are real issues around poverty and homelessness. I’m thrilled that our Mayor Andy Burnham is demonstrating clear commitment to tackling these issues head on.

“I believe the business community and the leaders across our city have a real opportunity, and indeed an obligation, to respond and bring together the collective resource and leverage it for the good of the whole. And that’s why I say that we are a relevant and inclusive community of leaders, raising the bar for all.”

We’ve previously written about the work of the IoD here.

A cancer fight and homelessness – Cold Feet at its best

Posted on February 12, 2019 by - RELATIONSHIPS

It may have been the ‘will they, won’t they’ of Adam and Karen’s burgeoning relationship that grabbed the Cold Feet headlines but it’s two other stories that sparked our interest.

While the two friends wrestled with their changing feelings – after nine series – it was formerly pin-striped David (Robert Bathurst) and breast cancer battling Jenny (Fay Ripley) who put us through the emotional ringer.

How many women could identify with Jenny’s dilemma? The straight-talking mum who is relied on to keep the family moving forward suddenly having to break step and deal with a very personal trauma.

Well-meaning husband and mum tried to outdo each other with their nursing skills. So Jenny sought refuge and community with those who could identify with her situation.

Stop Crying Your Heart Out

The scenes where she joined the ‘cancer choir’ and was moved to tears by their rendition of Stop Crying Your Heart Out understandably provoked a flurry of warmth on social media.

It was a star turn from Manchester’s Christie Hospital Rhythm of Life Choir – and a highlight of the whole series.

And her bewigged photoshoot to take the role of a romantic fiction writer demonstrated the long-running series has lost none of its knack of encouraging us to poke fun at life’s low blows.

The family struggled with how they should react to her illness. It was left to the matriarch to show them how to tackle adversity head on.

Elsewhere, David suffered his own, very David, fall from grace.

He found himself alienated from family and friends in his time of need. This the consequence of a career scaling the corporate ladder with elbows out and tailored shoes treading on anything in his wake.

He was penniless and on a downward spiral after the end of another relationship. We saw him riding the night bus and scrabbling in bins for food. All the while trying to keep up appearances for fear of being thought a failure.

Divorcee saved by his ex-wives

Life turned full circle when a former intern served an ice-cold dish of revenge and snubbed him for a job.

A sage reminder that in this changing world, homelessness can be closer than we’d like. And we have no idea of the stories of those who find themselves there.

How fitting that a character not known for his inclusivity and with two marriages behind him should be rescued by the combined efforts of his two ex-wives. If only all former couples could handle post-separation so magnanimously!

Soon we spied David, celebratory bottle in hand, thanking one and all for catching his fall. Discovering his ex, Karen, is hooking up with Adam sent him into another tailspin.

The series closed with a blossoming relationship of his own. Maybe now he can focus on his own life?

(*) Merrick is proud to support the Booth Centre. They do wonderful work bringing about positive change in the lives of people who are homeless or at risk of homelessness. To find out more, click here.

(*) Breast Cancer Care‘s free Helpline is available on 0808 800 6000.

Heather’s brief is to help Merrick grow

Posted on January 28, 2019 by - Merrick News

Heather Waight has joined Merrick Solicitors as practice manager with a brief to help the company grow.

Heather, who has 15 years of experience in office management roles, is now responsible for areas as diverse as the law firm’s legal compliance, IT systems, recruitment procedures and staff welfare.

She took on the role after previously working for international executive searchers, a debt recovery agency, solicitors and civil engineers.

She was attracted to the role at Merrick by a belief she could help the business continue to evolve.

Evolving business

The Manchester-based company is renowned for its work in complex high net worth cases.

But principal Amanda Merrick is also keen to ensure it can help cover the gap left by the demise of legal aid for most divorce cases. In response, last year it launched #AccessUs, a high-quality, case-managed service to deliver advice where there is a case to answer and limited resources to meet it.

Heather said: “I like to feel that I’m helping a company to get to where it wants to go.

“I met Amanda and was sold on what she was trying to do. It’s very difficult not to be swept up by her enthusiasm and passion for the law.

“I’ve not been here very long but it already feels like more than just a workplace. You really, really want to do your best.”

Grow the team

Merrick has a clear strategy to grow its team and client base. It continues to look out for the best available talent in the world of family law.

While Heather gets to grips with ensuring internal office systems are slick and effective, she’s clear on why Merrick continues to attract new clients.

She added: “So many people come through recommendations. They’ve been advised that if they want good advice to get in touch with Merrick. Amanda is very upfront with everyone, she tells you what you need to know.”

Click here for more about Merrick’s service offerings

 

 

A new year but always focussed on clients

Posted on January 3, 2019 by - Merrick News

Last year marked the start of major changes for Merrick and in 2019 we’ll be doing more of what we believe it means to be a firm of family lawyers in today’s world.

The legal profession is undergoing a good deal of upheaval. From challenges to its long-established services, to the pace of technological change and the continued lack of availability of legal aid that means funding for clients is only infrequently available.

Our response to this has been rooted in both the traditional and a fresh perspective to ensure our service continues to add value.

First and foremost, we’re about helping people when they need it most; it’s why we exist. We call it #LawforGood.

Family is fundamental to our lives. Problems with our closest relationships can impact all areas of our lives from financial to social and everything in between.

It’s because no aspect of life is untouched by family issues that the expertise we can offer people is so important.

Out of reach

The withdrawal of legal aid for most cases has had a negative impact for many in failing relationships. Without that financial assistance, many believe qualified legal help will be too costly and out of their reach.

Because of this there’s been a large increase in people representing themselves to save on costs. This puts them at a distinct disadvantage when they find themselves dealing with all the complexities of the law.

Such is the concern of one judge that in October he used a documentary to highlight the difficulties faced.

His Honour Judge Stephen Wildblood QC, the most senior family court judge at Bristol Civil Justice Centre, spoke as part of a BBC investigation into the pressures on the family court system.  He stressed the challenges of litigants in person going into a courtroom full of barristers, experts and other professionals.

#AccessUs one of the initiatives we launched in 2018, is designed to help.

If there is a case to answer and limited resources to meet it – we believe people should still be able to access qualified legal support. After witnessing the eagerness with which it has been taken up, we hope to expand it so that the profession embraces this social enterprise in the same way.

By offering comprehensive support at a price to fit stretched finances we’re doing all we can to ensure people have access to the help they need at a crucial time in their life.

High net worth litigation

While we’re excited about #AccessUs, we’re also delighted that our reputation for dealing with complex and high net worth litigation continues to be recognised.

We were named Divorce Law Firm of the Year in England in the Global Law Expert (GLE) Awards 2018 for our client services.

And we’re grateful to all those who kindly recommend our services. Rest assured this will remain a strong focus for us in 2019.

We also believe in a holistic approach. Getting divorced or separated is one of the most stressful life events. It’s not uncommon for people to feel disoriented and a little lost.

Self-care such as eating healthily, exercising and getting enough rest can often be forgotten about in the pressure of the situation. We launched Merrick Life in recognition that sometimes people need more than family law advice.

A helping hand in lots of related areas such as health and well-being or adapting their role as a parent to fit new circumstances is all very much appreciated.

We’ve connected our readers to a lot of experts in the last year. We believe this is of benefit and we want to continue developing these relationships in 2019.

The feedback from both clients and our family of experts has been very encouraging. In 2019 we will build on this platform to ensure it helps those who reach out and connect with it. Watch this space.

2018 was the year we laid the foundations of our purpose and the vision that is #LawforGood.

In 2019 we will bring that vision and purpose to life.

Our thanks go to everyone who has been part of the journey so far; without you we wouldn’t be where we are now.

And to the team – #YouGotThis

 

 

 

 

Never a bad day to seek legal advice

Posted on January 3, 2019 by - CHILDREN, DIVORCE, RELATIONSHIPS

The start of a new year is often a time for review and reassessment.

The break from the regular routine over the festive period gives many the time to ponder their life and their priorities. Spending long uninterrupted periods with family can unfortunately bring to the fore issues that remain hidden at other times of the year.

And some in failing relationships resolve to act.

As such, the first working Monday of the new year has become labelled ‘divorce day’ by the media. Many in the legal profession are keen to distance themselves from the negative connotations of this.

Our view is quite simple. If your relationship is in trouble, whether it’s the first day of a new year or the last day of the old one, there’s never a bad time to seek out professional legal advice.

Amanda Merrick said for an individual contemplating divorce or just wanting to know what their options might be – it is important they empower themselves with information and take legal advice as soon as possible.

She said many clients attend a first appointment having mistakenly pre-determined that separation will leave them homeless, financially adrift or never able to see their children.

In most cases none of these propositions bear any resemblance to what actually happens.

Primary concerns

Put simply – having enough money to live and the future of any children are primary concerns in most break ups.

Amanda said: “It can be worth considering some form of counselling. Or, if there is a specific issue, another dispute resolution service, such as mediation.

“Relate is, perhaps, the best-known provider of counselling services for couples. But the NHS offers a similar service if one – or both partners – has a mental health problem, such as depression, that is affecting the relationship.”

But Amanda also urges people to prepare themselves if the relationship is beyond this point.

She said: “It’s never easy trying to establish a co-parenting relationship whilst in the throes of a separation. But if you have children that’s what you must strive to achieve for their benefit as soon as possible.

“The family court has wide-ranging powers to deal with children issues, but it cannot resolve any emotional stuff between the two of you caused by the relationship breakdown. Try not to lose sight of the real objective – damage limitation for your children.

“Whatever forum you use to resolve any financial issues, a full and frank exchange of information is likely to be required going back at least 12 months.

“Draw up as soon as possible a list of everything you know about your other half’s financial circumstances. Also making a start on getting all your relevant paperwork together helps to ground you in the facts.

“This can be particularly helpful should emotions subsequently take over and cloud your recollections.”

Want to know more about how Merrick can help? Click here.

 

 

 

Posted on December 20, 2018 by - Merrick News

Seasons greetings from Barney the dog and all of us here at Merrick!

We hope you all have a fantastic break, whatever you’re doing.

We’re off to celebrate Christmas at lunchtime on Friday 21st. We’ll be back at our desks at 9am on Wednesday January 2.

PS. We’re not sending company Christmas cards this year.
Not because we’re Scrooges, we’d just rather send e-cards and make a donation to a wonderful charity called the Booth Centre.
They do great work with the homeless and you can check them out here.

 

Without divorce support I could have lost my child

Posted on November 23, 2018 by - CHILDREN, DIVORCE, FINANCES

One mum’s divorce process experience and how she was helped by Merrick’s #AccessUs initiative which makes legal advice affordable for those on limited incomes

“I’d never been in a position where I could afford a solicitor, which is why four years on from separating I’d not actually started the divorce.

“I’d taken on the house and debts so there was very little extra cash at the end of the month.

Divorce solicitor

“I had spoken to a solicitor locally and been charged £80 for a basic 20-minute consultation and I thought after ‘how am I going to be able to afford this?’

“But things were getting pretty contentious. I needed to get a resolution.

“I needed to be able to stand up for myself and I finally did and that was only with the support of Merrick, I wouldn’t have to been able to do it otherwise.

“It was my boss who recommended I talk to Amanda. She was very personable, very friendly but super professional. She went through everything on the phone and said Merrick had an initiative for which I qualified and where the charges would be in line with legal aid rates.

“That was music to my ears. I knew I could manage that.

Eventually I would have backed down

“Without this I would have been in the position where I was backed into a corner and gone along with what was said. I get quite emotional about it all and I think eventually I would have backed down.

“I don’t think I could have represented myself, I find the whole process quite intimidating. I’ve had to go to court and it really makes me anxious. Without representation I don’t think I would have done it.

“I could have been in a position where – as dramatic as it sounds – I could have lost my child.

“I would have had to give in because without #AccessUs financially I couldn’t have fought it and I can’t represent myself in that kind of situation.

“You still get access to proper legal advice from a qualified divorce solicitor. It’s been amazing to have that.

“To go into that court situation where I felt immediately intimidated and terrified and to have someone sat there speaking for me was just an absolute godsend. I couldn’t have got through it without them.

“It’s like having a friend on the end of the phone. They have really helped me through.

“I don’t know how people represent themselves now there is such limited access to Legal Aid. How you would go through this without some access to legal support?

I couldn’t have seen a future

“I just look at what it could have been like. Things could have been completely different and so much worse. We are coming out of it now and things are normalising.

“I couldn’t have seen a future without the support Amanda and Gabrielle have given me, so I’m very grateful for everything they’ve done. I’ve not got any fear of the process now because I’ve got good people on my side and I can manage it.”

“If you leave it to hang over you, it’s never going to get resolved. It’s just always that issue that you can never move on from.

“I’ve moved forward a hell of a lot. I feel a lot more confident in myself and a lot happier with the direction things are going. The future doesn’t look so bleak to me.”

Read more about #AccessUs

Can we help you? Contact us on (0161) 838 5410 or email info@merrick-solicitors.com

Will the Government fudge divorce law reform?

Posted on November 14, 2018 by - DIVORCE

A leading barrister believes the Government may still shy away from change – despite launching a public divorce law consultation.

Campaigners wanting the laws to be updated have placed their faith in Justice Secretary David Gauke’s announcement of consultation. There is also a Private Members’ Bill introduced by a former President of the Family Division, Dame Elizabeth Butler-Sloss, which is awaiting a second reading in the House of Lords.

But Nigel Dyer QC, of London’s 1 Hare Court Chambers, believes even with the mood music of change there is still a strong possibility the Government will shy away from action.

He told Merrick Solicitors: “Any change in the reform of the divorce law has usually been a fudge.

“I think just because the Government has said they are going to look into it, it could simply be kicking it into the long grass. I don’t think the consultation will necessarily result in change.

Owens divorce; Nigel Dyer QC

“Consultation is a long, way from introducing legislation. Since the Divorce Act of 1857 there have been two Royal Commissions and two Law Commission reports all of which advocated reform. The last Law Commission report led to the Family Law Act of 1996 which completely changed the current divorce law.  This Act received the Royal Assent. But the provisions introducing no-fault divorce were never brought into force and were later repealed.

“So, if a Government can go so far as introducing a Bill, get it through both Houses, get Royal Assent, then not bring it into force and then repeal it, I’m not sure I’m overly confident that consultation is going to result in change.

Brexit

“With the amount of resources directed to Brexit in Whitehall at the moment I would have thought any change in divorce law would come very low down the pecking order in terms of priority. But, who knows?”

Mr Dyer, described in The Legal 500 as the leading London family silk, said there were powerful pulls on either side of the debate about how easily divorce should be available.

He added: “Historically there have always been strong opposing camps in Parliament.

“There are those who take a more liberal approach to marriage and consider that when it is over it should be dissolved. And those who consider that marriage is the foundation of society and nothing should be done to undermine it.”

Mr Dyer said the consultation is open to 10 December 2018. The Government has proposed that the existing law is repealed and replaced by a process whereby a spouse gives notice to the court that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.

A move to a system that recognised ‘no fault’ divorce could mean that contested cases are replaced by divorce on ‘unilateral demand’. And that would mean a spouse who opposed divorce – such as Hugh Owens who Mr Dyer represented through to the Supreme Court this summer – would be unable to defend the action.

Private Members’ Bill

Asked what he would like to see by way of reform, Mr Dyer said that both the current Scottish model and the changes proposed by Dame Butler-Sloss’ Private Members’ Bill had merit.

He said: “Interestingly the 1969 Act that became the current law in the 1973 Act started off life as a Private Members Bill which was later adopted by the Government. So I wonder whether the Government will blow in the sails of this private Bill.

“The Scottish system is quite good because instead of our two years with consent they have one year. And instead of five years without consent they have two. I think that is a better system because the parties don’t have to wait as long.

“I imagine if there is going to be change, it will be root and branch. But if they wanted to do a small change the Government could not do better than follow Scotland.

“The suggested scheme in the Private Members’ Bill provides a way to end marriages with a minimum of acrimony.

“I think an emotive behaviour petition can raise the temperature unnecessarily, but in most cases there is divorce by collusion. The petitioner’s solicitors usually send a draft of an anodyne petition to the respondent’s solicitors.”

Inflammatory situation

Mr Dyer highlighted divorce online as a concern because it by-passes the advice provided by a lawyer-led service.

He said: “What I would be concerned about is where a couple have a very big row on Saturday night. Then the following day one of them decides to get divorced.

“They sit in front of a computer screen and fill in a divorce petition online. When it comes to the behaviour particulars all sorts of unpleasant allegations are made. The reception centre which receives the petition does not edit the particulars.

“The petition later drops into the other spouse’s inbox. I think that is potentially a very inflammatory situation and an unfortunate way to start a divorce. How many people write tweets or Facebook posts that they later regret?”

The first part of this interview with Nigel Dyer QC covered the Supreme Court’s ruling in Owens v Owens.

Amanda Merrick thinks there are other areas of UK family life in greater need of law reform than divorce. Cohabiting couples perhaps being the most obvious.

Amanda, principal of Merrick solicitors, said: “Mrs Owens will get her divorce. Unfortunately for her, she will have to wait in the same way as the person who wants to be freed from a spouse who is a devout Catholic.”

Family lawyer Amanda Merrick

She does have concern about a one-size fits all approach to the ending of a marriage.

“People’s feelings and emotions could not be more at large than during a relationship breakdown. It is well-established that suppression can have an adverse effect on a person’s mental health and well-being.

Creating options

“For some people, such as those who have been in an abusive relationship, assigning fault or blame to the other party is empowering and cathartic; very often the start of their healing process.

“So, for me divorce reform should be about creating options.

“Yes, I can see the merit in reducing time limits for a separation with or without the other party’s consent. And there are, of course, couples for whom no-fault would be the preferred route, but sanitise the process completely? That surely shouldn’t be the decision of anyone other than the two people involved.”

So, what about the impact on any children of those parties?

Research carried out by the Nuffield Foundation has found that the use of fault may trigger or exacerbate parental conflict which has a negative impact on children.

“Families operate in a constant state of conflict. There are any number of different priorities needing to be compromised at any given time…..and that is when everything is OK.

“Relationship breakdown doesn’t change that; it’s the choices that change and lawyers, healthcare professionals, mediators and everyone else working in this arena should be there to help inform those choices and their order of priority at a very difficult time.”

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